Profile – Vera Satan, Mrs

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27BCC4CE00000578-0-image-m-38_1429472794007Vera Satan (nee. Badcock) was one of the first inductees into the Allied Underworld Union when it was formed. Originally from Lymm in Cheshire, she was the post-mistress at Broomedge Post Office between 1932 and 1951. She had a horrible reputation in the village thanks to rumours that she regularly opened and read other people’s mail. She always denied the accusation, though if anything the reality was worse than the hearsay. The truth was that Vera opened and read the vast majority of correspondence that passed through her small post office and she used the information she gleaned from those letters to gossip (at best) and blackmail (at worst).

Unfortunately for Vera she took things too far, when she discovered that the much loved Vicar of nearby Little Bollington had been secretly dating one of the local war widows.  Vera wrote some poison pen letters and told anyone who’d care to listen, that it was no way for a ‘man of God’ to carry on. The widow in question took an overdose of sleeping pills, but was discovered before any serious harm was done and had her stomach pumped. That evening the residents of several villages descended on the post office, dragged Vera from her bed and pushed her into a nearby quarry draped in enough chains and padlocks to secure a bank vault. When the local police investigated her disappearance so many people attested to the fact that she’d mentioned emigrating to Australia, that they simply alerted the Inland Revenue and closed the case.

Needless-to-say, Vera did rather badly on her judgement day and her damned soul was dispatched to Hell. After a series of standard jobs she got herself assigned to clean Satan’s official apartments. It was there that she discovered the Prince of Darkness’s archive of magical wands, swords, crowns, stones, jewels, armour, lamps, books, scrolls and potions. While ‘cleaning’ in the archives one day, she discovered a bottle labelled Amatorium Aeternum which she recognised immediately as a love potion. The next day she slipped some into Satan’s morning cup of tea and within a week she had moved in with him. Just ten days later she became the bride of Satan.

Vera quickly set to work turning Hell into a place that lived up to its name, as opposed to the holiday resort Satan had let it become. By the time the love potion had worn off, and Satan had realised what had happened, she had taken over so many of his duties that he was disinclined to do anything about it. He was left to enjoy his hobby of horticulture, while she directed the efforts of the Morose Order of Acolytes.

Amongst Mrs Satan’s interests are:

  • Cross-stitch
  • Scotty Dogs
  • Naked and unbridled aggression
  • The Archers
  • Water-boarding

» Character Profiles » Profile – Vera Satan, Mrs
On April 16, 2016

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